In the last few months I have been struggling with the news that several prominent people in the field of psychology and psychiatry have been behaving inappropriately. This will not be the last time that our field is rocked by allegations of damaging behaviour – perhaps especially now where women and men are finding the courage to come forward. It is, of course, particularly upsetting when the person committing the assault is someone we have entrusted to look after others who are vulnerable.
C.G. Jung (1875-1961) coined the term ‘the wounded healer’ and it’s an open secret that many people in this field have suffered difficulties and trauma. That is not a problem if we have worked through it. In fact, the ability to turn pain into wisdom and compassion may be one of our most powerful tools to connect with and help others. Like the ancient alchemists trying to turn metal into gold, we try to turn pain and suffering into understanding and healing. That is the path of the wounded healer. However, if we have not processed our own traumas, we are not wounded healers – just wounded. And anybody who have observed a wounded animal knows that it can be very dangerous. So too, I believe, is allowing someone who hasn’t addressed their own darkness to care for vulnerable people. We must be clear: anyone who enters our consulting room is vulnerable in some way – otherwise they wouldn’t be here.
To protect both the patient and ourselves, a good rule of thumb is: if there’s something we feel reluctant to talk about in supervision (or in general with our colleagues), that’s probably exactly what we need to talk about. Don’t feel shame about having sexual or romantic thoughts about a patient – it is natural and may come up on occasion. Likewise the need to be liked, the fear of conflict or a strong dislike of a patient. There is nothing shameful in those feelings arising (they are often involuntary anyway) but it can become dangerous for both us and the patient if they are left unacknowledged and unprocessed. I believe that if we work in this field long enough, we will eventually feel either particularly drawn to or repelled by a patient. It is what you do in response to these feelings that matter.
Make sure you find a good supervisor that allows you to explore this without making you feel shame and humiliation. Acting on it is never, ever an option. The difference in power between patient and therapist is such that it can never be a healthy, genuine connection.