“How long is this thing going to take?”
This is a question many of you ask when you first enter therapy. “How long is a piece of string?” is always the first answer that flashes through my mind. Not a very helpful answer, I know, so let me address this – very reasonable – question.
I conceptualise therapy as a series of steps on a staircase. Some people are satisfied to take just one or two steps (for example, getting rid of the panic attacks or lifting the current episode of depression) whereas others are eager to climb more steps (for example, addressing difficult existential questions of life and loss, meaning, and relationships or to uncover unhelpful core-beliefs that keep making life difficult). Some people take a couple of steps, go away and live life and come back when they are ready to take some more.
People come to therapy when something hurts and the overall goal of therapy it is to make life a little easier and more enjoyable. It is difficult to enjoy life when you have severe anxiety or depression, when you’re stuck in grief and loss, when you’re isolated and lonely, when you lack a sense of meaning or when you feel betrayed or unlovable. How many steps are needed to overcome the problem that someone present with not only depends on the problem but also on how deep a person is prepared to go in uncovering truths about themselves and about the human condition.
So, in answer to the above question: “How long is this thing going to take?” I cannot say. It depends entirely on your goal for therapy, which is why we spend time in the first few sessions establishing these goals. However, I can assure you of a couple of things: 1) You will not be in therapy for decades (that is the realm of psychoanalysis and not the type of therapy that I do), 2) You and I will both know when our time together is coming to an end and ending therapy will feel like the next natural step to take.
I hope that this makes it a little clearer…