This week I spend a couple of days attending a presentation on the effects of early attachment on brain and nervous system development and how this may influence later interpersonal difficulties.
Very interesting stuff. No doubt many of you will hear me say something about that over the coming months.
The presenter had us all laughing when he said:” If it’s not one thing it’s your mother” I guess it’s the type of humour you would expect when you put 200 therapists together.
But it made me think that this may be a good time to reiterate something that comes up regularly in session: the role of – not only mothers – but parents in general.
Some people come to therapy thinking that talking for an hour a week about all the wrong they have suffered at the hands of their parents will make them better. It won’t.
Many of you (being the nice people that you are) feel tense when telling me about your childhood and your parents because you don’t want to betray or blame them. And it is important to note that therapy is not about blaming patents because blame keeps us stuck in our problem.
We talk about our childhood experiences and our relationships with our parents in order to gain a better understand of why we’re having some of the difficulties that we are. But there’s a big difference between seeking an explanation or seeking someone to blame.
Blame is not only unhelpful and keeps us from taking responsibility for what’s going on in our lives right now but – in my experience – most parents try their best. When parents do a poor job it is often due to their own trauma or difficult experiences.
Just a reminder that I’ll be away for the next 6 weeks. Please don’t text me as I won’t have my phone with me. You’re welcome to send me an email (I can’t promise how quickly I’ll get back to you).
Stay well till we catch up again….