In psychology we used to think that we can un-learn things. In a classic learning paradigm an animal (often a rat) is exposed to a light and a foot shock. The rat quickly learns that the light signals the shock and becomes afraid of the light. To teach the rat to stop being afraid of the light, you present the light repeatedly without the shock and the rat thinks “hey, that light signals nothing” and it stops being afraid of the light (if you’re thinking that that is exactly what we do in therapy when we’re facing our fears during exposure therapy you’re absolutely right). Has the rat unlearned the fear of the light? No unfortunately not. It turns out that fear of the light can return if time has lapsed or if the rat is put into a different environment and presented with the light. The conclusion is that the rat now has two competing sets of learning in his head:
The light signals shock
and
The light signals nothing.
So how is that relevant to you? Well, it is relevant because in psychotherapy we work with fears, negative thinking styles, dysfunctional relationship patterns, unhelpful core-beliefs etc. We work hard and learn new and more adaptive ways of being in the world. Everyone is feeling better and is getting on with their lives. Fine.
Until suddenly THE PROBLEM (whatever brought you to therapy in the first place) comes back. What?! Didn’t we already deal with this? Well, yes we did but you didn’t (unfortunately) un-learn the old dysfunctional way of thinking/being/interacting/behaving. Rather you learned new ways of thinking/being/interacting/behaving so that now you have two competing sets of learning (the old and the new) in your brain. Most of the time the newer more functional learning will be activated and you’ll do fine but sometimes the older thinking style or behavioural pattern will become triggered and ….boom you start to feel anxious or depressed or rejected or unlovable again.
The German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche expressed a similar notion when he wrote: “When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago”. In other words, when we are run down, sick, sleep deprived, overwhelmed, stressed or triggered by environmental cues some of these things may come back.
(This is why psychologists can’t offer a money back guarantee 🙂 )
So it is important not to panic if previously difficult issues come back. You’ve dealt with this before so there is no reason to believe that you can’t deal with it again. Talk to a friend, maybe schedule some therapy booster sessions, take some time out, apply the strategies that have worked in the past, and, importantly, remind yourself that this is normal and not due to some personal failings of yours.
Remember: this too shall pass…