So winter has come to Sydney. The first 10 years I lived in Australia, every winter I heard people say: “It’s unusually cold this year”. It took me a decade to realise that that wasn’t the case but rather that Sydney-siders – because we have such a beautiful spring, summer and autumn – forget that winter here gets cold. Really cold. When people realise that I’m from Denmark they often say things like: “Oh well, you must be used to the cold”.
Well no. I am used to it being cold outside and so when you go outside you put on boots, big jackets, gloves, scarves and hats. I am not used to it being freezing cold in the houses because houses in Denmark are built for it – double glazing, insulation and central heating. The houses in Sydney are for the most part not (my front door has a gap at about one centimeter at the bottom!!).
Basically, Sydney-siders live in permanent reluctance to accept the fact that we have winters and it gets cold.
You might be wondering what all that has to do with psychology.
Let me explain. In psychology, we call the the refusal to acknowledge reality “denial”. Denial is considered to be a psychological defense that we use (often without being unconsciously aware of it) not to become overwhelmed by anxiety, sadness or other negative emotions. Some defense mechanisms can useful to help us cope with difficult events and feelings. We can, for instance, use humour to deal with painful feelings, thoughts or events.
The problem with denial is that if we don’t acknowledge something, we can’t do anything about it or – in cases where nothing can be done about it – it doesn’t allow us to process the difficult issue and move beyond it. Research shows that people who are able to make sense of their difficulties and put them into a coherent story, cope much better. Basically, humans are storytelling creatures that make sense of events through narratives. Denial is problematic because it does not allow us to do that.
So, denial is a bad thing, you may conclude. But as always when it comes to human beings it’s never that simple. There may be times when denial is helpful. Research, for example, has suggested that people who refuse to acknowledge the seriousness of a cancer diagnosis survive longer than people that don’t.
We are complicated beings.
However, all that being said, I believe that in life we’re better off living with our eyes wide open (i.e., with a minimum of denial). That way there is less room for regret and more room for learning, psychological development and problem solving (like for example building houses that allow people to stay warm in the winter – just a suggestion)