Recently I was listening to a talk by the American psychiatrist, Daniel Siegel and he mentioned the importance of “micro-moments of love”. If that sounds a little intense for you think: micro-moments of connection (it could be a cultural issue – Americans may be a bit more comfortable talking about love than we are). What he was getting at, was those little encounters we have throughout our day when we connect – however briefly – with somebody. When we have a few words with the cashier at the checkout; when our kids hug us and run off; when we smile and say hello to somebody; when someone waves at us after we give way for them in traffic; when our partner says something nice; when someone holds the door open for us or helps us to pick something up that we have dropped.
At a fundamental level, we are all the same. We have a brain that is wired to connect and more and more research is supporting the idea that we are the most healthy and happy when we are connected with other people. Connections, of course, can be deep and long-lasting (those we have with our family and friends) or brief and passing (acquaintances or strangers) but Siegel’s point is that they all matter and even the shorter connections can have an impact on how we feel.
But I bet you know this. You can probably remember the feeling of well-being and sense of ease you felt after a positive interaction with someone (whether stranger, close friend or partner).
Two things are needed in order for us to have these micro-moments of love or connection: 1) That we slow down enough to notice people so we can connect with them, but probably more importantly 2) That we are present enough to really engage with the people that cross our paths.
Wait – you may thinking – is she talking about mindfulness again? Yes I am. If we are going to connect with anybody (lover, stranger, child, colleague, acquaintance, neighbour) we need to come out of our heads and pay enough attention to really be present with them. Even if just for a few seconds or minutes. And when we do, it feels really good.
How many micro-moments of connection can you have today?