Human beings don’t like to change.
Or maybe more precisely, we feel ambivalent about change – even when it’s seemingly for the better. For example, research tells us that we’re more likely to become depressed when we experience divorce, loss of job, the death of a loved one, or the children moving out of home. This will not come as a surprise to most people. However, what may be more unexpected are the research findings showing that we’re also more likely to become depressed after we get a promotion, get married, have a child, or move house. So it seems that change makes us vulnerable to become depressed – even if the change is positive.
As a therapist, I observe people’s mixed feeling about change all the time: on the one hand people come and see me because they want to stop feeling confused, sad, depressed, anxious, angry or lost and they want to stop doing things that hurt themselves or other people. They’re looking for change. On the other hand, however, people often feel nervous about changing because it is, essentially, a journey into the unknown.
The Danish philosopher, Kierkegaard, wrote: “In addition to my numerous acquaintances, I have one more intimate confidant. My depression is the most faithful mistress I have known – no wonder, then, that I return the love”.
Basically, better the devil you know…
Our tendency to prefer the familiar and our preference to keep doing what we’ve always done, is explained in neuroscience as the brain being guided by “the principle of consistency”. According to this theory, the brain is an expensive organ to run: although the brain accounts for less than 2% of a person’s weight, it consumes 20% of the body’s energy. Staying the way you are (i.e., maintaining the same neuronal pathways) is energy efficient whereas change requires effort and energy.
What all of this means, is that I would expect you to feel conflicted about coming to see me. I acknowledge that it takes courage to walk through my doors: not only do you tell your darkest secrets to another human being that you – at least in the beginning – hardly know but you also open yourself up to the possibility of change.
I admire that.