Based on their observation of our closest relatives the primates, evolutionary psychologists have proposed that the human brain is hard-wired to compare our status in relation to our peers. In other words, we continuously judge ourselves in relation to other people.
But if you have paid any attention to your own mind you don’t need an evolutionary psychologist to tell you this. You see it in action every day: does he make more money than me? Is his girlfriend better looking than mine? Does he have a flashier car? Does she look younger than me? Does he have a better job? Is she better dressed than me? Is she thinner? Is he smarter? Do they have a better house/ more functional family/ better behaved kids/ more fun on their holidays/ hotter sex/ more friends etc. The list goes on and on and it is one sure way to torture ourselves because other people’s lives often look so much better and more desirable than our own.
Which brings me to Facebook.
Many people enjoy the way that Facebook links them to friends and family all over the country and the world but I think Facebook should come with a huge warning label along the lines of: Warning – the following scenes have been heavily edited and do not necessarily represent reality.
Because, let’s face it, Facebook represents how people would like to be perceived rather than how reality is. Or – maybe more accurately – Facebook presents us with part of the story rather than the whole story.
For example, who puts up photos of themselves screaming in utter annoyance at the kids on a holiday? Or crying of loneliness into a bottle of red wine on a Sunday night? Or publish photos of themselves where they look bored/ fat/ ugly/ depressed/ fed up with life/ or anxious?
Not usually.
So Facebook becomes a photo album of sunny, happy shots where we all look fantastic and are having fun all the time.
The problem is that we compare (remember our brains can’t help it) our real lives with these lives that have been heavily photo-shopped and our lives look much less fun, glamorous or successful in comparison. Most of the time you forget that you’re not comparing two real lives – at best we’re seeing a part of someone’s life. At worst it’s mostly made up. No one is having fun all the time.
And remember that the number of so-called friends you have on Facebook is not an indication of how worthy you are as a human being.
If you keep these things in mind Facebook is probably harmless enough.