I wrote a bit about “wanting” in my Christmas entry. The point was that many people believe (and keep on believing despite much evidence to the contrary) that everything will be fine and that they will feel happy/ content/ fulfilled/ secure/ loved/ worthy/ accepted or whatever if they just get x, y or z.
It is true that they may feel momentary happy (or content or whatever) after obtaining x but soon the unquenchable desire for more sets in. Remember Tolle’s words that the ego wants wanting more that it wants having? (see “All I want for Christmas is….more wanting”).
Think about it for a moment.
It means that we are a lot like the hamster on the wheel – running and running without going anywhere. Or getting and getting (things, experiences, people) without ever obtaining sustainable positive emotions. Always onwards to the next thing, experience or person that will – we keep hoping against all hope – make the unrelenting wanting disappear.
I’m sure you know the feeling from your own experience: you buy something and it costs a little more than you feel comfortable with but – you rationalise to yourself – you’ll just get this and you won’t want anything else.
Yeah right.
Watch the mind as it after a time starts wanting something else.
A few people has asked me after reading the Christmas entry: “Is the goal then to stop wanting?”
That is a really excellent question.
No, I don’t think we can extinguish wanting unless we undergo serious, invasive brain surgery (along the lines of a lobotomy) or take vast amount of drugs (most of which probably wouldn’t be legal in Australia). We are, as a species, very driven. The driven nature of human kind has resulted in an impressive materialistic and intellectual development but it also makes it very hard for everyone to relax and enjoy what they have. The mind is always slightly dissatisfied and is scanning for ways to ease this dissatisfaction. In other words, the mind always wants something different.
So no, I don’t think we can cease wanting and I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong in wanting things, people or experiences. The problem arise when we kid ourselves into thinking that obtaining x,y or x is going to make a substantial difference to us.
So if the answer is not to stop wanting what is it then, you may ask. It’s very simple really: you observe the wanting and when appropriate (i.e., when it’s not going to get you into too much debt or other kinds of trouble) you can give in to it but you remain completely clear to yourself that this new house/ car/ baby/ lover/ job/ pair of designer shoes or whatever will not take away the underlying sense of unease or stop the wanting.
While nice experiences or things may not take away our existential suffering there is also no reason to deny ourselves these and think we have to live an ascetic life. I maintain that you can ponder existential questions and live an authentic life while wearing fabulous shoes.
But I guess some of you knew I would say that…