Someone recently asked me: \u201cso why are you therapists so preoccupied with the past. We can\u2019t change what has happened so why not let sleeping dogs lie?\u201d<\/p>\n
It\u2019s a very good question.<\/p>\n
The answer to that question depends to a large extend of the theoretical orientation of any individual therapist that you ask. For me, the past is mainly interesting in so far as it impacts on the present. That is, does experiences or emotional patterns from the past interfere with the way we live our lives.<\/p>\n
The problem is that people are often unaware of when past emotional reactions are being activated. A good indicator that past feelings are being triggered is when our emotional response is out of proportion to the environmental trigger. That is, our emotional response is a lot bigger than you would have expected given the triggering event.\u00a0 Something relative minor happens, we have a huge emotional reaction and the people around us are left wondering: \u201cwhat on earth just happened to her??\u201d For example, you leave a message on someone\u2019s phone and they don\u2019t get back to you for three days. You\u2019re then flooded by feelings of rejection and torture yourself for days about how they don\u2019t care, everyone always rejects you, no one ever really likes you, you\u2019re never good enough etc. It then turns out that the person you called was away and\u00a0didn’t\u00a0get your message until later. Hmm\u2026 For most of us (probably all of us) we have certain themes that we are sensitive to. For some it may be rejection or abandonment for others it can be a sense of failure or being worthless or feeling unlovable.<\/p>\n
Whatever our particular theme, it is helpful if we can learn to become aware of when emotional reactions from our past are triggered. The power of the past is often that it \u201cworks behind the scenes\u201d so to speak. Once we put the spotlight of attention on past experiences and emotions, they lose their ability to control us. The goal is not to try not<\/em> to be triggered \u2013 that is impossible as these experiences and emotions are embedded deep within our brain \u2013 but to recognise when<\/em> we are being triggered. This recognition gives us the power to stop acting out old patterns of pain.<\/p>\n This is why I am interested in the past.<\/p>\n So, in answer to the above question: yes if the dogs are truly sleeping by all means let them lie. But the problem is often that they are barking and pacing and whining and scratching at the door and in general making a nuisance of themselves.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Someone recently asked me: \u201cso why are you therapists so preoccupied with the past. We can\u2019t change what has happened so why not let sleeping dogs lie?\u201d It\u2019s a very good question. The answer to that question depends to a … Continue reading